Addictions can be a worship issue. Take pornography for instance—people need to understand why they are caught in this fantasy. For many, the addiction becomes an idol, and we tend to worship idols.
How does it usually start? In men, it starts during the childhood of boy’s life. In a family where there is no father, or the parents are separated, or there is a father but he is not involved in the family, these young men are more vulnerable. When there is no role model of a man as leader in the family, many problems can develop. When a father is not involved in teaching his son how to treat women or how to approach them, the boy will have difficulty in relationships with women or often have problems in marriage later on.
Let me say it again. It is essential to have a father involved in a boy’s development in order to grow up as a man, as a leader. When women take over spiritual and mental leadership in the family because husband is not strong enough to be a leader, it will negatively affect boy’s development. Boys cannot learn how to be a man from a woman. They need a father’s example, and encouragement as they grow up. When there is no family stability, we see problems of abuse, rejection, and insecurities. And quite often, addictions.
These insecurities often drive young men into wrong relationships, looking for what they lacked in childhood. These wrong relationships lead to disappointments and rejection, which then leads to pain. And when there is pain people look for pain relief. They go looking for someone available; they may turn to porn or anything that provides the illusion of happiness and love.
The Devil uses this pain big time. Among his arsenal is Facebook, shopping centres, porn, scantily clad Instagram pictures, or even just pictures of girls. All this is leading to a false sense of happiness or love.
Once the door is opened for the devil, he will pull you as much as he can. The shame comes in, and makes a person feel terrible or dirty. Some become desperate to get rid of sin, and look for a wife, thinking that will solve the problem. But it doesn’t solve much. These men are looking for the wrong reasons, and girls can sometimes sense the desperation. Driven by insecurity, sin, loneliness, and despair these men are prevented from knowing a girl honorably. Let me put it this way. These guys don’t know how to approach women; they don’t know how to talk to them; they jump too quickly instead of looking for God’s approval first. The way of wisdom is to slow down and seek God’s direction. Young people should learn to know each other as friends first, to know if they are moving in the same direction. “Can two walk together unless they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3).
Some men cannot understand this because—as they are desperate— they are looking for pain relief. They are looking for a female body, for someone who can make them happy, instead of looking for someone whom they can make happy by establishing a spiritual connection first. So they miss out.
I have met some men who ask for a date within five minutes of talking, and it just kills everything. These men need to sort out their trust in God first, and follow God. And be patient!
When men with unresolved moral issues get married, the past becomes the present. Unresolved addiction for porn even increases in the marriage. Why? Because a man can’t give his heart and mind to one woman if his mind is polluted with images of many naked, or half naked women. In his double-mindedness, he is not satisfied with one woman.
The average wife can feel this, and she withdraws. The husband doesn’t feel loved and he turns to, guess what? Pain relief: porn, drugs, work, anything but God. If he hasn’t learned how to go for pain relief to God, and be strong mentally, and be a problem solver with God’s guidance, everything becomes so much harder. This doesn’t make for a fun marriage. It’s even more difficult when children enter the picture.
In this situation a son might repeat his father’s destiny. Remember when David sinned, it affected his family. Sexual immorality is one of the hard ones, because it’s printed in your mind. The Devil takes a person into the cycle of sin & fear and not trusting God. That’s really all the Devil has to offer. Insecurity and despair, which leads to wrong relationships, cause more sin, more shame, and it’s like a never ending cycle.
But everything can be different. If you just stop and think.
Just take a deep breath, and find peace with God first. If God doesn’t give you a wife/husband, that means you are not ready for it. Some changes have to take place first. You can try as hard as you can to find a spouse without God leading, but it will just end in disappointment. You don’t want to go down that road.
1) First, let go, let go of fears. Fears open a door for the enemy, trusting God will open your life to blessings.
2) Get to know God, pray and believe what you are praying. Eliminate distractions so you can hear from God.
3) Grow with God, let God mold you. When your character is strong and solid in godly principles, he will cause you stand on solid ground (Ephesians 6:13). To limit the ups and downs of our emotions, take responsibility; make proactive decisions. When life’s situations get tough; when someone rejects you (even though they might not intend to), you are taking it as a blessing. When you don’t complain, but are thankful, you have peace in your heart. When you look for other people’s approval (because you never had approval by your father), you only need approval from your heavenly Father. Other people actions don’t need to break you. You won’t have to demand good from other people because you did good to them. THEN God will give you a special one, trust you with His daughter. Because you are strong in the SPIRIT, the flesh cannot rule over you. When other girls pass by you won’t turn your head. With God, you won’t follow showoff girls or fantasies—all of which take you away from God.
The cycle can be broken. Do not feel sorry for yourself. Be thankful. Do not stay in shame, as God has forgiven you if you ask Him. He already paid for your sins, do not be anxious. Trust God, not your fears. Eliminate distractions and people who can pull you away from God, till you get stronger. Take your priorities and eliminate idols. God is jealous, do not worship other people, things, or even family. God should be number one. And make a commitment that you are faithful to God no matter what you have and don’t have in life. Ask God, not people, for directions. Live real life today. Enjoy it. :) That is the essence of true worship.
God bless you all.
Diana Hilas, Australia