I woke up one morning about 11 years into my life to discover that part of my male appendage had swollen to more than twice normal size. I freaked. “What’s wrong with me, Dad?”
“Have you been masturbating?”
“What’s that?”
“It’s something that many boys about your age start doing because it feels good.”
It feels good and it’s common? Hmm. As soon as the swelling (from a bug bite) subsided, I began experimenting.
The Average Male Body
The healthy male body operates on about a 3-day cycle. From ejaculation to ejaculation within that 3-day window, the male feels normal, he sleeps well at night (barring other issues), he is comfortable during the day, and non-sexual touch does not arouse him. He likes sex but doesn’t have a physical need. However, by the end of that 3rd day, his hormones begin wreaking havoc on him. Random non-sexual touch is a turn on (so little as leaning against something, scratching an itch, or standing under running water), he feels anxious, agitated, and impatient, and at least in my case, my dreams become realistic and sexually charged, but without release.
For the married man who is temporarily separated from his spouse by work or circumstances, there is some hope that if he can endure until conjugal relations resume, he will not fall. He can count down the days while steeling himself against his flesh. For the unmarried man, there is nothing to look forward to, only raging hormones, temptations, and his own flesh betraying him. When Paul speaks of the Spirit warring against the flesh (Gal. 5:16-17), the unmarried man is often in more fierce conflict within himself than any physical outside conflict, for war ends, but the internal conflict never abates.
Looking For Biblical Evidence
When I found out Ellen White calls masturbation self-abuse and self-murder, I searched the Bible for the commandment, but nowhere does the Bible say “Thou shalt not masturbate.” Lust it condemned, so to justify myself, I decoupled the physical act from the mental lust, condemned myself for the lust, but saw no sin in self-abuse. I grew to hate Ellen White, the militant women, and married men who heaped condemnation upon me while they had no clue what men endure or access to their spouse. When I spoke in my testimony of the hammer of Ellen White, and my challenge to “show me from the Bible,” this is the issue. I justified myself by saying, “God made me this way, surely He does not want me to be miserable all the time.”
I moved to a different state in January, but my family had to remain behind to finish work on our house and get it sold. Twice my family visited me, but only for a few days, and because of the distance I couldn’t go home on the weekends. Toward the end of their stay in our old location, we agreed that my wife would hold a garage sale on a weekend we had previously planned that she would visit me, and I lost hope that I would see my family for more than two weeks.
Temptation got the better of me.
I didn’t feel guilty at first, but God, in His mercy, began pricking my hardened heart. I reacted with anger, anger at Him, and I cast about to blame those who brought to my attention that this sin is indeed sin. How could they condemn me when they don’t know what men endure or have access to their wives?
He spoke to me in answer to my rage. “I know what it’s like.”
His words stopped me in my tracks. No, I could never see Him doing anything selfish, including servicing himself for relief from physical discomfort. He bore all things, the physical as well as the spiritual. “How did you endure?”
I committed to enduring the separation but sought ways to be together whenever possible. Yet every plan was stymied. I swallowed my frustration and bitterness. I didn’t want to war against the flesh, to fight this battle where the week before I had failed.
On Sabbath before I went home, I struggled with the will to keep going. I had no desire to keep surrendering the flesh when yet another thought came to me, “My wife will be on her monthly cycle when I get home.” To be in that proximity and still unable to touch her while watching her suffer what is for her an extremely painful ordeal caused dread in my heart. “Please, God, don’t let her suffer on account of my sin.”
He spoke to me again, “That is how sin works. Others suffer because of what you do.” I immediately thought of Him hanging on the cross.
Self Abuse
The Bible does not specifically state, “Masturbation is sin.” The closest one finds is Leviticus 15:16,
“And if any man’s seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the evening.”
If this means it is sin, then sex is sin, for verse 18 states, “The woman also with whom man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both bathe themselves in water, and be unclean until the even.” God gave the marriage relationship, and it is not sin for the man to know his wife, so it is not sin to ejaculate. Where then, is the sin?
Because I viewed the physical act and the lust as two separate issues I believed if I could just achieve a state of mindless action, there would be no sin. However, no matter how hard I tried, I found that the body and the mind are intricately connected, and self-stimulation opened the avenues of the mind to lust after another.
Sexual sin is doubly insidious because it contains both a psychological element and a physiological element. While the body itself is on a three-day cycle, the mind craves the dopamine release that comes from the sexual activity which is achieved far more often than three days, but the more one seeks it, the less the body can supply. In marriage, sex is about pleasing your spouse and the personal gratification is just a nice bonus. Masturbation is different because the goal is to please oneself.
Like other addictions, the first high is the best and all following attempts are trying to match the first. Crazier things are tried, other stimulants added, guilt and self-justification heaped up to excuse the activities. It is not uncommon for the addict to engage 5-7 times a day, even until he cannot physically respond. Physical partners are sought, compounding the sin. Imaginary partners are used and discarded, training the eye to wander.
Our society has decided masturbation is normal, even encouraged, so one can find very little reported about the psychological or physical damage caused by the addiction. I can only give personal testimony, but the physical damage associated with self-abuse includes a crooked phallus, premature ejaculation, difficulty maintaining an erection, and an inability to please my spouse because I trained my body only for my own pleasure. The psychological damage includes selfishness, a wandering eye, devaluing women, a constant fight to not think of other women while making love to my wife, and likely a whole host of other issues I have not identified. Put simply, it is sin.
Jesus always answered, “It is written…” for every temptation He faced. I begged, “What was your ‘It is written’ that helped You confront this temptation”, but I wasn’t ready to hear, nor to accept that it wasn’t, “Thou shalt not masturbate.”
Once again, I had to remain behind to work while my family traveled. They left on a Wednesday and it was Sabbath; I knew the temptation would come on strong by the end of the day. Nearly 4 months had passed since I fell, nearly 4 months I tried to write this article, nearly 4 months I had asked, “What is your ‘It is written…’?” Now it wasn’t for an article, but for the ability to overcome temptation that I needed that answer, and it finally came in a clear and perfectly formed thought. “It is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and Him only shalt thou serve” (Matthew 4:10).
I cannot serve the flesh and serve God. I realized then I wouldn’t have accepted the answer in February, nor in March, April, or likely in May, because I still fought for my old mindset. But He took me step by step down the path of understanding that the physical and mental are not separate before He could answer my prayer, and then separated me from my family so I could test the power of the Word.
The Sin of Lust
Sin starts in the mind before any physical activity is performed.
“Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’, but I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matthew 5:27,28).
Sin corrupts our thinking, clouds our spiritual vision so that we cannot rightly discern how God views our actions. I could not discern how my warped thinking had corrupted me. God in His mercy didn’t leave me there, but step by step He revealed my faulty thinking. Thankfully, He doesn’t leave us helpless,
“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
The road trip was supposed to take a week. Delay after delay now has it knocking on 2 weeks, but being able to answer, “It is written…” every time temptation strikes has helped immensely.
“Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him” (James 1:12). “The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished” (1 Peter 2:9). “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41).
Sometimes, though, this is not enough. What did Christ say directly following the statement that even looking on a woman to lust for her is adultery?
“And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell, And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell” (Matthew 5:29,30).
Directly following the statement that adultery was more than the physical act, it condemns the commonly used physical parts for self-abuse, the eye for lusting and the hand for the physical act.
Elsewhere He says,
“For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it” (Matthew 19:12).
While I am not an advocate of self-mutilation or genital mutilation, if this is how far one must go to overcome sin, so be it. “Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin” (Hebrews 11:4).
Christ bore our infirmities in his flesh, and as the perfect Lamb of God without spot or blemish, His anatomy was complete and functional, yet He didn’t use it to please Himself. He overcame, and He promises us the same ability He had.
Freedom
The conflict will be fierce, the war against the flesh always is, but it isn’t impossible. See 1 Corinthians 7.
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9,10).
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).
“But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:57).
“To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne” (Revelation 3:21).
In Christ even sexual sins can be overcome. I know.
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“I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish” (Galatians 5:16).