“Difference and dissension will be seen among those who are not chosen by the Lord, but let it not spring up and bear fruit among those who profess to be representing Christ. There is no work more sacred for Christians than to maintain peace among themselves.” Manuscript 43, 1897, pages 5, 6.
Conflict. It’s all around us. It has become entrenched in our world, in our society, and in our own lives. Conflict affects every conceivable human relationship and setting, be it our friendships, marriages, and families, or our churches, classrooms, neighborhoods, and workplaces. Sadly, conflict affects Christians as much as anyone else, tarnishing our witness to a world we are supposed to be edifying with gospel truth. What to do about it?
ARE WE HIS WITNESSES?
No two people are alike. That’s where the challenge lies; and also, the opportunity. What kind of witness do we as Christians, as the remnant people, give to the world if we don’t even have peace among ourselves?
“Ye are my witnesses, saith the LORD.” Isaiah 43:10
Jesus clearly wants His followers to live in unity. Is this even possible? Yes, but the answer is not necessarily to just try harder. No, there’s a solution within reach of all of us if we will take hold of it. Through the good news of what Jesus did on the cross, where God reconciled a sinful and rebellious people to Himself, we are given both a vision and a practical way for approaching conflict differently.
The key to extending mercy, forgiveness, and love to others is understanding that God extends mercy, forgiveness, and love to us. Constantly. Every second of every moment of every day.
“And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven. And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight.” Colossians 1:20-22
WHERE DO CONFLICTS COME FROM?
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” James 4:1, NIV
Yes, conflicts come from our own wants, desires, and beliefs, especially when they come into contradiction to someone else’s wants, desires, and beliefs. Everyone who calls themselves a Christian knows what Jesus Himself said to the hypocrites among us:
“First cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.” Matthew 7:5
What do you do when your spouse criticizes you? Or your children disappoint you? Or your boss mistreats you? Or when a friend hurts you? Or when a stranger insults you? Or when someone shares what you perceive to be error in a Sabbath school class? Or another church board member votes differently from you? Or when you believe that your leadership has let you down?
What do you do when you see God being dishonored, His character maligned, His principles ridiculed, His name blasphemed? Perhaps you react like Moses did when he came down the mountain and found a golden calf awaiting him. Perhaps you respond as David did when he heard the proud and vulgar boasts of Goliath. Perhaps you react like Jesus did when His Father’s house had been turned into a den of thieves.
Certainly, each of these specific responses were righteous in God’s eyes. Can the same always be said of our responses? Without peace with God, it would be well-nigh impossible to have peace with anyone else. But, if we have peace with God, all other peace becomes, not only possible but, certain.
“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on me.” Isaiah 26:3
IS CONFLICT A GOOD THING?
“Through conflict the spiritual life is strengthened. Trials well borne will develop steadfastness of character and precious spiritual graces. The perfect fruit of faith, meekness, and love often matures best amid storm clouds and darkness.” Christ’s Object Lessons, page 61
It’s clear that conflict is something we should embrace (if not necessarily something we should actually actively seek out) as a tool through which God can work to polish and refine our characters. Conflict can give us opportunities to more deeply consider the interests and needs of others at least equally as much as our own; to show mercy in preparation for those times when we will require mercy from others; to lay down our rights as Jesus did in the garden of Gethsemane in deference to the Father’s perfect will and plan; and to reflect God’s character of love by living a life of other-centeredness and seeking after another’s best interests.
How do you generally react to conflict? Do you retreat, deny, and avoid? Do you charge forward, blame, and attack? Or, do you, by God’s grace, conduct yourself in a balanced way, seeking a mutually beneficial resolution which satisfies both parties while also glorifying God?
If we’ve made mistakes in this area in the past, are we willing and able to learn? Can we grow, can we do better, can we be better? Yes, yes, yes, and yes. The first step is to determine something very important.
IS THIS WORTH FIGHTING OVER?
“A person’s discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11, NASB
When someone offends or wrongs you, can you overlook it? Is it just a small thing, a meaningless word or act that will ultimately have no bearing on your quality of life? If we’re honest with ourselves, most of what we would characterize as “offenses” fit squarely into this category.
It’s worth noting that Scripture doesn’t tell us to overlook all wrongs, just minor ones. “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” Romans 12:18
However, while we recognize that the ultimate goal for Christians is to live within the bonds of brotherhood, to be of “one accord” (Acts 2:1), we also must acknowledge that there are some issues that will, and should, separate us from others, even those claiming to be of the faith. Jesus was very clear about this.
“Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.” Matthew 10:34
And consider how the early Christians responded to the terrible actions and heresies of their “brothers” in the first centuries:
“They dared not tolerate errors fatal to their own souls, and set an example which would imperil the faith of their children and children's children. To secure peace and unity they were ready to make any concession consistent with fidelity to God; but they felt that even peace would be too dearly purchased at the sacrifice of principle. If unity could be secured only by the compromise of truth and righteousness, then let there be difference, and even war.” The Great Controversy, page 45
The foundations of Bible truth, the pillars of the faith, are most definitely worth going to “war” over. And we should pray earnestly to God for wisdom, understanding, and courage to stand for the right when we are called upon, though the heavens fall, and to do it in a way that befits our profession as children of the King.
But the question has to be asked: Is the conflict you are experiencing right now in your life directly related to matters as weighty as those faced by the early Christian church in the above passage? Or, are they mere little molehills that we have made into mighty mountains?
What are the topics of conflict in our homes, where the devil is doing everything possible to destroy the family made in God’s image? Likely the same as they have been for the last six thousand years. Is your house inundated with jealousy, mismanagement of money, bad parenting, rebellious children, workaholism, worldliness, gossip, and lack of love?
What are the topics of conflict in our church today, as we move ever-closer to the end of all things? Women’s Ordination? Racism? The “social gospel”? The role of The Papacy in end-time events? The Nature of Christ? The Holy Spirit as a Member of the Godhead? The Health Message? Religious Liberty?
Which of these issues mentioned above are worth our people fighting over? Any of them? Perhaps all of them? And more? Yes, these conflicts are real, and they must be dealt with, for the glory of God and the good of His people. The question is: How do we do it in a way that leads most directly to reconciliation and, ideally, if at all possible, restored relationships?
ARE YOU THIN-SKINNED?
“We should not allow our feelings to be easily wounded. We are to live, not to guard our feelings or our reputation, but to save souls. As we become interested in the salvation of souls we cease to mind the little differences that so often arise in our association with one another.” The Ministry of Healing, page 485
We tend to be very thick-skinned when it comes to how we treat others and their opinions, but very thin-skinned when we evaluate how others treat us and our opinions. “Grow up”, “Don’t be so sensitive”, “Rub some dirt on it” are just a few of the things we think or say to others when they have been on the receiving end of our less-than-Christian treatment (real or imagined). “How could you?”, “You can’t treat me like that!”, “Who do you think you are?” are likely some of our own responses when we feel that we have been unduly slighted.
And then there are the corresponding actions which usually accompany any of those words. The cold shoulder, the cutting looks, walking the other way when you see them coming, talking behind their back, gossiping, maligning the character, condemning, thoughts of vengeance, and so on.
Responding in any of these ways is a clear sign of, at best, ignorance of a better way, and at worst, gross immaturity. As Christians, we should strive to live our lives with integrity, respect, honesty, truth, and love. Easier said than done, I freely acknowledge. But, with Christ, all things are possible, even diffusing conflict, or avoiding it altogether by preventing it before it starts.
The way we live out this principle has very little to do with the other person, and almost everything to do with how we choose to respond. Or not. My good friend from the island of Jamaica has said to me many times over the years, “We can disagree, but we don’t have to be disagreeable.”
HOW MUCH LIES WITH YOU?
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32
Ultimately, people will say what they say, act the way they act, and believe what they want to believe. In light of that reality, there are two questions remaining before each of us. First, am I willing to jeopardize my salvation by getting into conflict over this particular issue? Sometimes the answer is an emphatic ‘Yes’, but more often it is plainly ‘No’. Let it go, move on with your life and pray sincerely for the other person.
And, second, as much as it is in my power to control, do I want to have peace with God and with my fellow man while I am on this earth? The redeemed will enjoy peace throughout the universe for eternity. And for the child of God that can, and must, begin today.
After all, the Prince of Peace Himself once said, “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” Matthew 5:9
I want to be a child of God. And I believe that the majority of people that come into my life want that as well. When conflicts inevitably arise, am I willing to give everyone else the benefit of the doubt, at least until they remove all doubt? Starting today, I would like to do that.
“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” Colossians 3:12, 13
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Richard Cecere and his lovely wife, Leslie, volunteer at Uchee Pines Institute in Seale, Alabama. He is an elder of the Phenix City SDA Church, and enjoys reading, teaching, and being married, not necessarily in that order.