I love the compilations like Adventist Home and Child Guidance. But I have found the most helpful way to use them is to take the quotations and then go to the articles, letters, or manuscripts they are selected from to gain the entire instruction in its entire context.
We will look at some important instruction on how to have family worship. This instruction is part of a manuscript with important instruction that is necessary for effective family worships. Before giving us the how of family worship, the manuscript looks at the context of the home that thrives with family worship.
We begin our study of Manuscript 12, 1898 with the big three in home leadership. This is true of every leader’s work, and our most important area to learn this is in the home as parents.
“It is the work of the parents …”
We could insert the word leaders in place of parents, but parents are the most important leaders.
“It is the work of the parents to restrain and guide and control.”
This is the big three of parenting: restrain. guide, and control.
Restrain
Q: What does it mean to restrain?
A: You place safe limits, fences. You keep from excess. You put the breaks on when children are going too fast.
Our children may want to date prematurely. Wise parents apply brakes for their children’s future happiness. They teach them self-control.
Our children may want to only eat junk food. Wise parents teach them self-control.
But as parents we don’t just restrain, we guide.
Guide
Q: What does it mean to guide?
A: We assist our children in setting their direction. We encourage them in wise choices.
We don’t take away the choice, we help the children choose wisely.
Just as a GPS helps us navigate the roads to get us to our destination, you assist the children in navigating the decisions of life.
Control
Q: What does it mean to control?
A: In many, many homes, the children control the parents instead of the parents controlling the children.
We are not to have homes where the children are allowed to have their own way and the parents acquiesce. We don’t give 4 y.o.’s the key to the car and let them drive.
Alert—Not Controlling
Let me say this strongly. To control does not mean to be controlling. It means to accept responsibility and stay alert and take over when necessary.
To control is to accept ultimate responsibility and understand home authority. When we understand this we overrule and take control when necessary.
To control actually requires being alert.
My Self Driving Car
Recently, I purchased a Comma 2. This is a small device that is mounted on the car’s windshield and then assists in driving the car.
A few days ago my wife and I drove from Chattanooga to Orlando to visit my wife’s 102 y.o. mother.
When we started the trip I turned on the Comma 2. For the 8 hours and 20 minutes of our trip, the Comma 2 did the driving. I doubt that I touched the steering wheel for more than perhaps a total of 10 minutes.
But, I didn’t go to sleep. I stayed very alert. The device watched my face the entire trip. Should I become distracted it would immediately warn me to stay alert and watchful. And I did. I was always alert and ready to take control whenever necessary.
This helps me understand that the essential quality of control is alertness.
Faithful in Least Principle
God has given parents, teachers, and leaders a principle to guide their leadership. This is a great help for knowing when and how to restrain, guide, and control. This is the faithful in least principle.
Jesus enunciated it when He told His disciples, “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much” (Luke 16:10).
We give our children little responsibilities and as they are able to perform well in these, we increase the responsibilities.
Areas to Restrain, Guide, and Control
The quotation continues with six ways parents efficiently and effectively destroy their children:
“They cannot commit a worse evil than to permit their children to gratify all their childish wishes and fancies, and leave them to follow their own inclinations; they cannot do them a greater wrong than to leave upon their minds the impression that they are to live to please and amuse themselves, to chose their own ways, and find their own pleasure and society, and in giving them money to spend according to their childish wisdom.”
Twice we are warned about these management errors.
“They cannot commit a worse evil ….”
“They cannot do them a greater wrong ….”
1. Self-gratification
God trains us parents and leaders not to gratify themselves because it is not good for us.
That is the danger of wealth. The wealthy may use their wealth to do whatever they like.
That is the danger of position and power. The powerful may use their position, authority, and power to get their own way. Getting our own way is not the secret of gaining happiness, it is the means of bringing us misery.
The Needs of Others
We keep before our children something better than the instant gratification of childish wishes and fancies, we keep before them the needs of others.
We don’t live to please ourselves. The secret of happiness is living to help others.
2. Following Inclination
3. Pleasing and amusing one’s self
4. Choosing their own ways
5. Finding their own pleasures and friends
6. Injudiciously providing money
You give them an allowance, but guide them in its wise management. Teach them tithing, offering, providing for others, and purchasing the necessities and comforts of life. Denying ourselves for others.
We seek our children’s happiness. We seek to provide them what they need. But we do not gratify every fleeting and childish wishes and desires for that would harm them and we seek their good.
All of us have observed children at a store asking for this or that trinket or treat. We have all seen parents indulge the child and yield to the whine.
But wise parents restrain, guide, and stay alert to control situations before they get out of control.
Setting the Example
After giving us the parenting pattern to avoid, the Manuscript gives us the parenting pattern to adopt instead. It provides us with the directions necessary avoid these six serious parental mistakes.
“The parents, who are the responsible agents in the home life, are to set the example.…”
It is not simply our words that teach the children, it is our example that is the most potent teacher. And the quotation tells us the proper example
“They should learn their lessons of duty and obedience to God’s requirements …”
God has designed that we teach our children. And in the process, they teach us!
We can’t teach what we don’t know! We can’t teach what we have never learned!
If we don’t know our duty, if we don’t know God’s requirements, how can we teach them their duty?
How can we restrain them if we don’t restrain ourselves?
How can we guide them if we don’t know the way?
How can we control them if we ourselves are uncontrolled?
The two most important lessons our children can learn are God’s requirements and their duty.
As we learn these ourselves we can then teach. And I always find it encouraging to know that we can teach while we are learning. We can be student teachers.
I found that some of the most effective teachers are those who are still excitedly learning along with the students.
“and then educate their children in the same profitable obedience.…”
Consecration
Notice how this process begins.
“They [parents] should consecrate themselves entirely to God.
Proper parenting always begins with consecrating ourselves to God.
How do we consecrate ourselves to God?
Probably we all are familiar with the quotation which explains it:
“Consecrate yourself to God in the morning; make this your very first work. Let your prayer be, ‘Take me, O Lord, as wholly Thine. I lay all my plans at Thy feet. Use me today in Thy service. Abide with me, and let all my work be wrought in Thee.’ This is a daily matter. Each morning consecrate yourself to God for that day. Surrender all your plans to Him, to be carried out or given up as His providence shall indicate.…”[1]
Freedom from Impatience
Consecration keeps us from anxiety, irritation, impatience. What before were seen as interruptions, now are recognized as God’s arranging my schedule. In some way this is an important part of God’s providential guidance.
“Thus day by day you may be giving your life into the hands of God, and thus your life will be molded more and more after the life of Christ.”
Missionaries
Consecration, giving ourselves entirely to God, makes us missionaries:
“They should consecrate themselves entirely to God. Themselves imbued with the missionary spirit …”
It is not getting a visa to go overseas that makes us missionaries, it is daily consecration. It is this the teaches us our duty and as Jesus lives out His life in us, we become missionaries. This is the necessary preparation to be a Christian parent.
There is a preparation and testing to be a nurse, a CPA, a lawyer, a physician, or a certified electrician. A missionary spirit is the certification of preparedness for training our children.
“Themselves imbued with the missionary spirit, they can train their children to be God’s faithful soldiers. This service is to be made the first consideration.”
Just as the ancient Hebrew parents were to teach their children war (Judges 3:2), we are to train our children to be soldiers for Christ. Pauls said, “You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ” (2 Tim 2:3).
Expanding Influence
“And as parents do this work for their children, they [that is the children], in turn, will repeat the lessons they have learned from father and mother. They will take their home education into their school life.
Children educated by converted parents will share what they learn at home with others outside the home.
When I was in fourth grade, we were reading through Messages to Young People during family worship.
During our worship we read about music that made the angels weep and leave the homes of those taking part in playing instruments and singing frivolous ditties “fit for the dance hall.” Messages to Young People, p. 295.
During our music class one week, the teacher began playing a “frivolous ditty fit for the dance hall” as part of our music class.
To my 10 year-old-mind it was easy. The angels must be quietly leaving, so I should quietly leave the room as well.
Of course, my teacher soon came to look for me. I was standing by the door.
She asked me why I wasn’t in the room. I told her what we had been reading in Messages to Young People.
We never had that kind of music again in her room.
A few years ago, I met that teacher. She was now an elderly Christian women. She told me what an impact our conversation made on her. She had been converted with that action.
“They will take their home education into their school life. Thus the divine influence of the home reaches beyond its immediate circle, and, as the leaven in the meal, leavens other homes with the principles of righteousness. This is the highest kind of home missionary work that can be done.”
Encouragement in Our Mistakes
But, what if you are a real parent like most of us and realize you have messed up? Prophetic messages are so encouraging and hopeful.
“To parents who have begun their training wrong, I would say, Do not despair. You need to be soundly converted to God.
Conversion
This is where proper parenting begins. What is the evidence of this sound conversion?
“You need the true Spirit of obedience to the Word of God.”
Without true conversion we can’t have the Spirit of obedience to the Word of God. The true Spirit of obedience is righteousness by faith. This is not a pharisaical, legal obedience. It is heart obedience.
Evidence of Conversion
Notice what this type of obedience does for you.
“You must make decided reforms in your own customs and practices, conforming your life to the saving principles of the law of God.
This is how it happens. Reform follows conversion.
If we have not made decided reforms in family customs and practices, conforming our life to the saving principles of the Law of God, we have not been soundly converted to God, we do not have the true Spirit of obedience to the Word of God.
Righteousness by Faith
When you do this, you will have the righteousness of Christ which pervades that law, because you love God and recognize His law as a transcript of His character.
This is the Spirit of obedience, this is righteousness by faith.
“True faith in the merits of Christ is not fancy.”
The word fancy, in Ellen White’s day, meant “whim, , notion, inclination.” Faith is not based on our passing whims, notions, or inclinations.
“It is of the highest importance that you bring the attributes of Christ into your own life and character,…
Christ’s character must become our character.
“and educate and train your children with persevering effort to be obedient to the commandments of God.”
Educating our children is not an on again, off again endeavor. It takes real effort to bring our children to the point of complete surrender to God’s commandments.
Source of Our Present Culture
The next paragraph details how we arrived at our present disordered state of society.
“For generations back parents have perpetuated the practices that exist in the home life today.
We see this mentioned over and over in the stories of the kings of the Bible.
“… he walked in all the sins of his father ….”[2]
“… he … walked in the way of his father ….”[3]
“… he walked in all the ways of … his father ….”[4]
“… walked in the way of his father, and in the way of his mother ….”[5]
“ … he did according to all things as … his father did.”[6]
But the manuscript continues, “The fitful, ….”
That is jerking forward, then holding back. Not smooth and consistent.
“The fitful, coarse, …”
As Ellen White used this word coarse, it meant rude, rough, unrefined, uncivil. What the prophet is describing are the homes where parents will blow hot and cold in their rules. Sometimes they are lax and indulgent. Other times they are demanding and impatient. One time they will excuse the child. Another time they will yell at him. Instead of being steady and patient, they are fitful and coarse.
And to fitfulness and coarseness is added a third evil quality, discourtesy.
“But the fitful, coarse, uncourteous practices of the parents are carried by the children to their own children, and thus the evils of the mismanagement of the parents testify against them from generation to generation. It is because of this that iniquity abounds to such an alarming extent, and in the judgment a terrible picture will be presented before the unfaithful parents. The long line of neglected duties, with all their weight of evil, stand registered against them.”
Key to Home Reform—Family Worship
But now we come to the solution.
“The father is priest in his own household, and his business, whatever may be its character, should not lead him to neglect the work that rests upon him as the educator of his children to keep the way of the Lord.”
As fathers, we have a responsibility to educate our children to keep the way of the Lord.
A few months ago I read an interesting study that showed the strong link between father’s faithfulness to the Lord and children’s faithfulness to the Lord. There was a dramatically higher link in this than faithful mothers and faithful children.[7]
What is the Father’s Role?
“Morning and evening worship should be considered of the first importance in the family.”
Before the father leaves for work in the morning and after he returns home in the evening the father should conduct the worship. And in his absence the mother.[8]
Family Worship Directions
1. Assemble
Let the family meet together and unite in offering to God supplications and prayers with thanksgiving.”
This is a time when the family assembles. Paul tells not to forsake “the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching” (Heb 10:25).
This is not limited to church and prayer meeting. The family is to assemble, morning and evening for family worship.
2. Inspired, Appropriate, Interesting, Brief
“It is your privilege, parents, to make these seasons the most interesting of the day. Select such Scriptures as can be understood by the children and youth. Read a few verses, …”
It doesn’t take a long chapter, a few verses is sufficient.
“and make them plain to their young minds.”
3. Prayer
“Then seek the Lord fervently. Train yourselves to pray with fervor. Do not be tedious. By your own example teach your children to pray with clear, distinct voice. Teach them to lift their heads from the chair, and never to cover their faces with their hands.”
These thoughts are expanded in Counsels to Parents and Teachers, and this provides additional helpful instruction.
“How much is lost in family worship when the one offering prayer bows the face down, and speaks in a low, feeble voice, as though just recovering from a long sickness. But as soon as family worship is over, those who could not speak loud enough to be heard in prayer, can speak in clear, distinct tones, and there is no difficulty in hearing what is said.
“When speaking of divine things, why not speak in distinct tones in a manner that will make it manifest that you know whereof you speak, and are not ashamed to show your colors? Why not pray as if you had a conscience void of offense, and could come to the throne of grace in humility, yet with holy boldness, lifting up holy hands without wrath and doubting? Do not bow down and cover up your faces as if there were something that you desired to conceal; but lift up your eyes toward the heavenly sanctuary, where Christ your Mediator stands before the Father to present your prayers, mingled with His own merit and spotless righteousness, as fragrant incense.” Counsels to Parents and Teachers, p. 241.
“Thus they can offer their simple prayers, repeating the Lord’s prayer in concert.”
Sometimes at the end of a prayer in family worship, pray the Lord’s prayer together.
“The Lord would have His service intelligent and profitable to all.
4. Regular
“Family worship should not be governed by circumstances. You are not to pray occasionally, and when you have a large day’s work to do, neglect it.”
What does this teach our children?
“In thus doing, you lead your children to look upon prayer as of no special consequence. Prayer means very much to the children of God, and thank offerings should come up before God morning and evening.”
Thank offering is a reference to songs of praise and notice how the quotation continues:
5. Praise in Song
“Says the psalmist, ‘O come, let us sing unto the Lord let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.’”
Sometimes in the morning, a “noise” is what it will seem to be! But notice it is joyful!
“‘Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms.’” [Psalm 95:1, 2.].
Summary
Our family worship’s effectiveness will be directly related to our being converted as parents. Then, morning and evening we will open the day and close the day as a family with a song of praise and thanksgiving, a short, interesting section of the inspired writing, a fervent pray. Song, reading, and prayer morning and evening.
****
[1] Steps to Christ, p. 70.
[2] 1 Kgs 15:3
[3] 1 Kgs 15:26
[4] 1 Kgs 22:43
[5] 1 Kgs 22:52
[6] 2 Kgs 14:3
[7] https://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=16-05-024-v
[8] Child Guidance, p. 519